Validating others by listening

Today the Farnam Street blog—which has a fascinating e-mail newsletter I highly recommend subscribing to—collected and released its top posts for July. One of them was “Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone.” The post is a summary and review of Robin Dreeke’s book It’s Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone.

This book looks like something this blog could explore again more fully in the future. For now, here’s what Farnam Street had to say about the book’s coverage of listening. It’s one of the best ways to build rapport by validating the person you’re talking to:

Just listening to someone can produce amazing results. Where we run into problems is keeping our own thoughts, ideas, and stories out of the conversation. [Quoting the book:] “True validation coupled with ego suspension means that you have no story to offer, that you are there simply to hear theirs.” And there is another benefit. When the focus is on the other person and we’re not anxious to tell our own story, we also tend to remember the details. We’re mindful.

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