One way to become a better listener is to work with a coach. Just Google “listening coach” and you may be surprised by how many resources there are.
One coach who reached out to me is Laurie Schloff, Senior Coaching Partner with the Speech Improvement Company. She has worked with professionals including attorneys for more than 25 years, and (not surprisingly) believes that communication competence is essential to attorneys’ professional success. In one-on-one work, she uses this coaching framework:
- Assessing goals and developing a plan
- Individual or group sessions devoted to communication techniques and practice
- Application of skills in business situations, for example, running an important meeting or coaching a new associate
- Assessment of progress and future goals
Laurie provides various types of feedback, including her own personal feedback and video feedback. She also encourages attorneys to seek feedback from peers and to reflect and learn how to become their own coach (the concept of self-coaching).
Laurie coaches on all of the communication skills, but has some specific methods for helping attorneys improve their listening. She promotes the idea of “persuasive listening.” According to Laurie, persuasive listening means “conscious use of listening skills as a tool to build positive rapport, engagement and influence with others in your ‘communication world.’”
She encourages attorneys to think about listening in terms of the acronym “E.A.R.”:
For engaging, attorneys can do something they may feel very competent at, which is asking questions:
Attorneys can become stronger listeners by asking different types of questions depending on the situation. Laurie identified three particular types of questions to consider: “open,” “structured,” and “short reply.” An example of an open question is, “What are your thoughts about the training lawyers receive in listening skills?” An example of a structured question is, “What are some ways legal training could include listening skills practice?” An example of a short-reply question is, “Do you think lawyers are good listeners in general?”
For attending, the key issue is attention:
Attorneys can demonstrate attention to clients and colleagues by controlling distractions and multitasking. Employing positive behaviors are easy ways to convey attention, including occasional head nods and encouragers such as “uh huh” or “mhm.” Laurie pointed out that verbal encouragers are especially necessary during phone conferences. In person, even when taking notes, attention should be on the client’s face as much as possible.
And for responding, again Laurie encourages attorneys to think of different types of responses:
The attorney may be responding to Information, for example by paraphrasing or summarizing before offering a fresh perspective: “So you’re looking to settle this by November.” The attorney may be responding to feeling. This means identifying the undercurrent of emotion if appropriate: “I sense a lot of stress around this last minute change in deadline.” The attorney may be responding to a goal. By this, Laurie means moving the client or colleague in a positive direction: “So you’d ideally like to look at possibilities for a national seminar in 2015.”
Laurie intertwines her coaching with hypothetical examples and anecdotes from her experience. On the value of listening, she shared a few words of wisdom from some of her contacts in the legal world:
- Esther Dezube, a private practice attorney who specializes in personal injury: “I listen to what is said and how it is said, starting from when the client walks in the door. If you don’t listen, you won’t be an effective trial lawyer.”
- Tony Garcia Rivas, senior patent attorney at Ironwood Pharmaceuticals: “Attorneys may assume they know the problem and tune out. When I’m talking, I’m not learning.”